I have been working in the pro-life movement for a long time now. I know very well that to be authentically pro-life means to uphold the dignity of every human life without exception; there literally is no other way to build a Culture of Life. Anything less works against our cause. But when I really let myself think about it, I mourn for the children. Yes, for the unborn, but for all children. They are so vulnerable, only victims of this society in which we live. Of course this has only intensified as I’ve become a mother. I can’t stand to hear of stories of abuse or neglect. It breaks my heart to see parents placing their desires over the needs of their children. I want to save them all. Ridiculous, I know. I’m certainly not perfect. But even more so, they don’t need to be saved by me. They need to be loved by their mother and father. That is what is owed to them.

“[The] child [has a] right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2376)

How is it that we can recognize the negative impact of absent fathers yet willingly define marriage as lacking a father or a mother? I don’t know why I ask the question; it is because our society is primarily concerned about what adults desire than what children need. And this is not a new phenomenon. Examples include no fault divorce, IVF and today, “marriage” that does not require a man (who could be father) and woman (who could be mother). We cannot claim that divorce is generally best for children. Pope Francis recently said that separation is sometimes necessary (but this is not new). We certainly cannot claim that IVF is the safest place for children to be conceived, yet we willingly put our children at risk of death so that we can have children.

Yes, due to technology, sex and procreation no longer have to go to together. But is encouraging such a separation what is best for our children? Children conceived through a third party are already speaking out, demanding to know who their biological parents are. And who can blame them? Our biology is part of who we are. Children inherently desire (and deserve) to know their mother and father.

It is a tragedy when a parent is taken from us too soon. But because some children are forced to get by without one parent or both does not mean we should multiply such a tragedy. This reality should push us to protect and uphold the relationship between father, mother and child. Today, we have done the opposite.

Some will suggest that having two parents is all that matters. Of course, to that I would ask, why just two? Why not three or four or five? More people loving a child is always a good thing, and I do not say that facetiously. But when you remove gender from the equation, then we deny the unique, beautiful, complimentary equality of man and woman. Our children know that gender matters; this is why they desire to know their father or mother if not present in his/her life. And I cannot help but find it ironic that as a society we simultaneously believe that gender is unimportant when it comes to marriage but so important when it comes to identity that we support serious surgery in an attempt to match biological sex with felt gender.

I imagine some will be angry or frustrated with me because for them the love between two men or two women has nothing to do with children (and in fact I agree with them), but they believe marriage as defined as one man and one woman results in the denial of the love between two men or two women. I do not deny the love felt between two men or two women. I also do not deny the serious pain in marriages that may lead one or both to seek divorce or the heartache of couples that struggle to conceive and therefore seek out IVF. These feelings and desires are real. I do not wish to ignore them or neglect these struggles. But I cannot endorse decisions that place the needs of our children last.

“I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33)

Because this is more beautiful than anything else I can say: