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Why Sherlock Holmes would use fertility awareness

A little humor for your NFP Week reading.

We all know he’s not the relationship type. (Who really has time for small-minded romance when matching minds with the likes of Moriarty?) But if the great Sherlock Holmes ever felt compelled to really understand that great mystery of woman, I’m confident the concept of fertility awareness would play a prominent role in his mind palace.

Here’s why:

    1. It’s about the facts, Watson. Fertility awareness relies on the body’s naturally occurring signs to inform and form observations of a woman’s menstrual cycle and overall health. The interplay of hormones orchestrate cyclical processes that determine what a woman’s reproductive system is doing and when. And based on the action of those hormones, she can tell where she is in her cycle or tell when something is wrong, and she and her partner and/or her doctor can use that information to help avoid or achieve pregnancy and even get to the root of and heal medical problems.

    2. Deduce this: Women hate to be told that “it must be that time of the month” by men. And frankly, most men using that line are jerks. But for women or couples in the know about fertility awareness, the knowledge of where she’s at in her cycle can be incredibly empowering. (Sherlock, of course, would mince no words. “You’re five days past peak. Your progesterone levels have started dropping. Your egg is deteriorating, hence you’re a raging maniac. Crying will commence in 3…2…1.”)

    Seriously, though, knowledge is power. Women can harness the time of the month (around ovulation) when they feel they can take on the world. And when “that other time” hits, they’ll know they aren’t crazy — the hormone flux will pass. In the meantime, pass the chocolate. I speak from experience on this one. (Just ask my husband.)

    (As a side note, charting cycles can help women better manage their hormones if they are a bit, or more than a bit, out of whack. Doctors who can read fertility charts can work with the woman to arrange hormonal supplements or other treatment to help keep extreme hormone dysfunction in check.)

    3. Can you imagine the experiments one could do? OK, so it’s nothing like the body parts in the great detective’s refrigerator, but did you know there are theories about male and female sperm and how timing sex in relation to ovulation may help couples have a boy or a girl? Not that it really matters … but I bet a fertility awareness-wise Sherlock would have at least attempted to predict the sex of John and Mary’s baby before the 18-week sono.

    Mr. Holmes would likely also have a healthy respect for physicians like Dr. Thomas Hilgers, who has made it his life’s work to study the woman’s reproductive cycle in order to unleash its power through NaPro Technology. His work and the doctors he has trained have helped numerous women overcome apparent infertility and treat PCOS and endometriosis, all without recourse to artificial means of insemination or synthetic hormones. (NaPro claims to be two to four times as effective as IVF, to boot.)

Now, whether a high-functioning sociopath such as Sherlock would personally benefit from any of the relationship-enhancing effects touted by NFP advocates is questionable (he’d be more likely to use them to manipulate feminine assets while on a case). But I’m convinced fertility awareness would be a handy little tool in the belt of the world’s only “consulting detective.”

The Pill and the Power to Manipulate Nature

A few years back, I had the unexpected opportunity to write for CNN’s In America Blog on the topic of the HHS mandate and my response as a Catholic woman. This paved the way for me to (at least virtually) meet Holly Grigg-Spall, author of Sweetening the Pill, and I’ve been watching her cause gain momentum since then.

Grigg-Spall’s blog — now also a book, and hopefully soon a documentary — articulates a discomfort with the prevalence of hormonal contraception that stems not from any religious or moral grounds, but rather her own personal experience of and subsequent study of the history and negative impacts of the Pill and other forms of hormonal contraception.

Along the way, she discovered the idea of fertility awareness, and now considers it empowering for women to embrace their bodies’ natural cycles. This is where our views converge: We both seem to believe that women should be accepted as women in society, and not feel pressured to suppress or change something so intrinsic to us as our fertility cycles in order to fit in. We also both seem to believe that every woman has a right to understand how her body works, and that that information has too long taken a back seat to pro-Pill propaganda.

Frankly, I don’t see eye-to-eye with Grigg-Spall on everything, and I’m sure I’m not going to agree with all the conclusions that the Sweetening the Pill (STP) documentary draws. Still, I strongly believe it is a conversation that needs to happen in the public square, and for that reason I have a lot of respect for Grigg-Spall and the whole Sweetening the Pill team. I encourage readers to support their Kickstarter campaign to ensure this documentary gets off the ground. (There are only 6 days left in the campaign, so please check it out as soon as possible!)

Interestingly enough, Slate DoubleX contributor Amanda Marcotte seems to hate the thought of this documentary. In her words in her post, “Ricki Lake Starts a Crusade Against Hormonal Birth Control,” “the human ability to manipulate nature and extract what we want out of it is the defining feature of our species” — and apparently Grigg-Spall, Lake, and director Abby Epstein aren’t adequately toeing the line. They are, from Marcotte’s standpoint, suggesting that hormonal contraceptives have caused harm that could be avoided by using other, more natural methods. And nature, to Marcotte, is something to be despised, manipulated and conquered.

But the point of my post isn’t whether Marcotte accurately represents the aims of the STP documentary (she doesn’t), nor how much I really want to see the STP documentary happen (I do). Rather, my point is that Marcotte offers an unsurprising but strikingly clear articulation of a worldview that I believe is behind much of today’s so-called progress:

“The human ability to manipulate nature and extract what we want out of it is the defining feature of our species.”

There is truth to her statement — even Pope Francis’s encyclical, Laudato Si, acknowledges that, “The modification of nature for useful purposes has distinguished the human family from the beginning” and applauds technological progress that has “remedied countless evils which used to harm and limit human beings” (102).

But while humanity’s capacity for progress and modification of nature can be laudable, the Pope does not blindly stop there, as Marcotte seems to, but rather cautions that progress without respect for life and nature, without wisdom, without humility, has the capacity to create a world in which might makes right, with dire consequences.

“Creation is harmed,” he writes, quoting his predecessor, Benedict XVI, “‘where we ourselves have the final word, where everything is simply our property and we use it for ourselves alone. The misuse of creation begins when we no longer recognize any higher instance than ourselves, when we see nothing else but ourselves'” (6).

I can’t help but hear the whisper of the Serpent from Genesis in Marcotte’s oversimplification of humanity’s abilities. “You will be like God,” he urges. “See what goodness and delight are at your fingertips — see what knowledge you can grasp!”

My hunch is that Marcotte, like many today, would prefer to forget that as created beings, we are subject to laws and norms that by default govern the use of our freedom (see the Catechism of the Catholic Church, 396). I think that’s why she reacts so strongly against Sweetening the Pill, and in particular its emphasis on the harms caused by hormonal contraception and its promotion of body and fertility awareness. Those factors are reminders that our power to change nature is in fact not without limits.

I Mourn for the Children

I have been working in the pro-life movement for a long time now. I know very well that to be authentically pro-life means to uphold the dignity of every human life without exception; there literally is no other way to build a Culture of Life. Anything less works against our cause. But when I really let myself think about it, I mourn for the children. Yes, for the unborn, but for all children. They are so vulnerable, only victims of this society in which we live. Of course this has only intensified as I’ve become a mother. I can’t stand to hear of stories of abuse or neglect. It breaks my heart to see parents placing their desires over the needs of their children. I want to save them all. Ridiculous, I know. I’m certainly not perfect. But even more so, they don’t need to be saved by me. They need to be loved by their mother and father. That is what is owed to them.

“[The] child [has a] right to be born of a father and mother known to him and bound to each other by marriage” (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 2376)

How is it that we can recognize the negative impact of absent fathers yet willingly define marriage as lacking a father or a mother? I don’t know why I ask the question; it is because our society is primarily concerned about what adults desire than what children need. And this is not a new phenomenon. Examples include no fault divorce, IVF and today, “marriage” that does not require a man (who could be father) and woman (who could be mother). We cannot claim that divorce is generally best for children. Pope Francis recently said that separation is sometimes necessary (but this is not new). We certainly cannot claim that IVF is the safest place for children to be conceived, yet we willingly put our children at risk of death so that we can have children.

Yes, due to technology, sex and procreation no longer have to go to together. But is encouraging such a separation what is best for our children? Children conceived through a third party are already speaking out, demanding to know who their biological parents are. And who can blame them? Our biology is part of who we are. Children inherently desire (and deserve) to know their mother and father.

It is a tragedy when a parent is taken from us too soon. But because some children are forced to get by without one parent or both does not mean we should multiply such a tragedy. This reality should push us to protect and uphold the relationship between father, mother and child. Today, we have done the opposite.

Some will suggest that having two parents is all that matters. Of course, to that I would ask, why just two? Why not three or four or five? More people loving a child is always a good thing, and I do not say that facetiously. But when you remove gender from the equation, then we deny the unique, beautiful, complimentary equality of man and woman. Our children know that gender matters; this is why they desire to know their father or mother if not present in his/her life. And I cannot help but find it ironic that as a society we simultaneously believe that gender is unimportant when it comes to marriage but so important when it comes to identity that we support serious surgery in an attempt to match biological sex with felt gender.

I imagine some will be angry or frustrated with me because for them the love between two men or two women has nothing to do with children (and in fact I agree with them), but they believe marriage as defined as one man and one woman results in the denial of the love between two men or two women. I do not deny the love felt between two men or two women. I also do not deny the serious pain in marriages that may lead one or both to seek divorce or the heartache of couples that struggle to conceive and therefore seek out IVF. These feelings and desires are real. I do not wish to ignore them or neglect these struggles. But I cannot endorse decisions that place the needs of our children last.

“I have told you this so that you might have peace in me. In the world you will have trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world.” (John 16:33)

Because this is more beautiful than anything else I can say:

Motherhood and Self-Care

I have read it and heard it a hundred times.  When you become a mom, it’s important to take care of yourself, your marriage, your prayer life, etc.  Make time for prayer, make time for date nights, make time for friends, for fun, for alone time, on and on and on.  It’s safe to say that when I thought about my new life as a mother, I wasn’t really worried about this.  While I am by no means perfect at it, I have prided myself on self-awareness and my ability to draw boundaries as needed to avoid burnout.

What you won’t be surprised to hear is that this is so much harder than I expected.  But what may surprise you is that most days I do not feel like I’m burning out.  Honestly, I don’t understand it.  Before becoming pregnant one of my primary struggles was taking time for prayer.   I tried everyday to take that time and when I did I saw the difference that it made.  Once pregnant, a lot changed.  I found myself so sick that the thing I struggled to do the most was eat something.  My exhaustion made my nausea worse, so sleep become the other priority.  If I didn’t sleep, then I had less ability to work.  My prayer became offering my suffering for my daughter and my family.  I actually had a great deal of peace about this.  Even after my daughter was born, in the confessional priests have told me to be easy on myself – my life is radically different.

What I’m experiencing now is something I could not have expected.  I always thought that I would absolutely need my morning prayer time to avoid burning out.  But I’m still going.  I thought I would need date nights in order to fuel my marriage and I thought the hardest thing about going out would be entrusting my daughter to a babysitter.  But I’m finding that this is not the case.

Yes, especially working outside the home full time, I miss my daughter when I’m not with her.  I like being with her on weekends, so I can’t say I’m anxious to drop her off with grandma.  But there are other things that are hard about leaving her.  Breastfeeding is important to me, so before going out I have to express breast milk.  I hate pumping, I really do.  I find it tedious and even a bit stressful.  My daughter also doesn’t sleep well, so routine is important and affects her future sleep.  So knowing she might not sleep as well without me (and therefore I won’t sleep as well later) is stressful, too.  It’s not just about attachment.

I love spending time with my husband, as well.  I love that we get to have dinner together every night after K goes to bed.  We eat and then talk until I’m too exhausted to keep my eyes open.  I even get annoyed when I realize my nails need to be trimmed…again.  Yet another thing to do!  My husband is extraordinarily gracious.  Most days I seem to have no time except to go to work and care for our daughter.  The only chore I still manage is laundry.  While I’m caring for K, my husband is caring for me and our home.  I almost never make dinner and only sometimes do dishes.  He’s managing, almost on his own, all kinds of projects around the house that used to be my projects.

Each day when I get home from work, K and I go out for a walk, so this is my primary reflection time. I realized how content I was with everything, but felt some outside pressure that I should be doing more, more prayer time, more date nights, do more to make what is most important a tangible priority.  After all, someday K will leave the house and what will be left if I do not invest in my relationship with God and my husband?  Not only does it make me sad to think about my little one leaving, I felt these thoughts robbing me of my contentedness.  I later asked my husband about this: was he as content as I, or was I being neglectful?  He affirmed that he was happy, too.  He knows this season in life is short and he is content with how things are today.

This isn’t to say that I don’t have to work on keeping God and my husband as my priorities. I’m still looking for good ways to have daily prayer and date nights are still important. But, I’m not going to chide myself in the meantime for being happy with the way things are. Life is too full of challenges and failures to add to it harsh self-criticism.  And K will only be 8 months old for so long.  I’d rather, and I think God would prefer it, too, if I soak up all the blessings he has bestowed on me, trusting my self-care to him.  I think he can do a better job of it, anyway.

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