A little humor for your NFP Week reading.

We all know he’s not the relationship type. (Who really has time for small-minded romance when matching minds with the likes of Moriarty?) But if the great Sherlock Holmes ever felt compelled to really understand that great mystery of woman, I’m confident the concept of fertility awareness would play a prominent role in his mind palace.

Here’s why:

    1. It’s about the facts, Watson. Fertility awareness relies on the body’s naturally occurring signs to inform and form observations of a woman’s menstrual cycle and overall health. The interplay of hormones orchestrate cyclical processes that determine what a woman’s reproductive system is doing and when. And based on the action of those hormones, she can tell where she is in her cycle or tell when something is wrong, and she and her partner and/or her doctor can use that information to help avoid or achieve pregnancy and even get to the root of and heal medical problems.

    2. Deduce this: Women hate to be told that “it must be that time of the month” by men. And frankly, most men using that line are jerks. But for women or couples in the know about fertility awareness, the knowledge of where she’s at in her cycle can be incredibly empowering. (Sherlock, of course, would mince no words. “You’re five days past peak. Your progesterone levels have started dropping. Your egg is deteriorating, hence you’re a raging maniac. Crying will commence in 3…2…1.”)

    Seriously, though, knowledge is power. Women can harness the time of the month (around ovulation) when they feel they can take on the world. And when “that other time” hits, they’ll know they aren’t crazy — the hormone flux will pass. In the meantime, pass the chocolate. I speak from experience on this one. (Just ask my husband.)

    (As a side note, charting cycles can help women better manage their hormones if they are a bit, or more than a bit, out of whack. Doctors who can read fertility charts can work with the woman to arrange hormonal supplements or other treatment to help keep extreme hormone dysfunction in check.)

    3. Can you imagine the experiments one could do? OK, so it’s nothing like the body parts in the great detective’s refrigerator, but did you know there are theories about male and female sperm and how timing sex in relation to ovulation may help couples have a boy or a girl? Not that it really matters … but I bet a fertility awareness-wise Sherlock would have at least attempted to predict the sex of John and Mary’s baby before the 18-week sono.

    Mr. Holmes would likely also have a healthy respect for physicians like Dr. Thomas Hilgers, who has made it his life’s work to study the woman’s reproductive cycle in order to unleash its power through NaPro Technology. His work and the doctors he has trained have helped numerous women overcome apparent infertility and treat PCOS and endometriosis, all without recourse to artificial means of insemination or synthetic hormones. (NaPro claims to be two to four times as effective as IVF, to boot.)

Now, whether a high-functioning sociopath such as Sherlock would personally benefit from any of the relationship-enhancing effects touted by NFP advocates is questionable (he’d be more likely to use them to manipulate feminine assets while on a case). But I’m convinced fertility awareness would be a handy little tool in the belt of the world’s only “consulting detective.”